"Yeah. I know. I'm not sure it's something that people who aren't me can get," he says. "Even Kiri had a lot of trouble. It's just - I really, really didn't want to come back, when she showed up in Thiyec to get me. I would've liked drowning better. And, mm... failing to drown was the only thing I could think of that might help change my mind. I dunno if I can explain why, exactly. I just needed a really big push."